Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (Disney, PG-13

So last week, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny came out, and I meant to get the review up, but last week was a crazy week. I ended up having my entire furnace and AC system replaced. And the next day I got my surround sound and had to set that up for my living room for my family movie night because I'm nothing if not constantly trying to have a better experience. And then the next day had a refrigerator delivered and that took a lot of planning and moving things out of the fridge and then helping them take the fridge apart to get it in my door, which meant taking my door off the hinges, which is a whole process. And then getting everything back in and helping them find a part that they misplaced and putting everything back in the fridge and then making dinner, which we sat down to eat at a cool chill 10:00. It's been a crazy week, and over the weekend, my sister-in-law is in town with her son to celebrate her baby coming in August and her son's birthday. So it's been busy.

So I apologize you didn't find out my thoughts on Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny before the movie came out on Friday, despite the fact that I saw it last Wednesday.

As an avid action fan, which is something that I feel like I don't have to say to you all, action movies are fun. But hear me out, and I want you to hear this with the utmost sincerity. Just know that I'm being extremely sincere and this is not a knock. Action movies are stupid. I mean it. They're kind of dumb. Because for an action movie to work, by and large, you have to believe that our hero is bulletproof and their friends are bulletproof. And if it's not bulletproof-ness that decides it, then it's pure inadequacy on the side of the opposing forces. And for the Indiana Jones franchise's history, the Nazis have been terrible at aiming and basically everything else. That being said, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is still a very good movie. But there is a mountain of disbelief you have to surmount when you sit down to watch a movie like this.

But, again, it was a blast. It did a lot of good for the franchise, which feels gross to write. It did a lot of good for Harrison Ford. Honestly, one of my biggest takeaways from this movie is, you know when Harrison Ford's having a good time and it shows.It's fun to watch. Watch Shrinking on Apple TV, another show written in part by Brett Goldstein, the guy who played Roy Kent in Ted Lasso, who also wrote large portions of Ted Lasso. Shrinking is incredible. And Harrison Ford, you can tell the whole time he's on screen, every moment he has there's life there. There's something spicy about the way he moves and the way he gets into things. He was spry and wily this whole movie.

At the end of the day, Indiana Jones is Harrison Ford. You know what I mean? It's one of those characters that dies with the actor. It's not like James Bond. I don't think we'll get another Indiana Jones. We'll get similar movies. Nathan Drake is Indiana Jones, Tomb Raider is Indiana Jones, but with different lead characters. They're not walking around with fedoras and whips. Indiana Jones is a very specific, very alive personality that is tied to this miserly, curmudgeonly Harrison Ford. There are points where you can really tell the man's almost 80. But who cares? Let old guys do action movies. It rules. Does that make the action movies a little dumber? Yes. Sorry. Yes, it does. There's a couple of times where Indiana Jones is getting shot at, and he doesn't really move. One particular scene, he's on a boat driving away. That boat is driving a pretty linear path and being shot at by a guy that has been, so far, touted as a pretty ruthless killer. And Harrison neither moves nor does a bullet hit him. It's Indiana Jones. I'm not expecting him to get shot in the back while running away. That would be stupid.

So maybe it's because I've seen too many movies. Maybe it's because I think about them too much, which I'm frequently accusing myself of doing. There are moments when somebody is doing something in a movie, specifically an action movie, like running, and you know, without knowing, well, this guy that's aiming at them obviously isn't going to hit them, and they don't.

Here's the thing. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a return to form. It doesn't feel like it's exactly like the original trilogy, but it sure fucking feels like it's getting there. I'm one of those weird people that didn't hate Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. People were like, Aliens, really? That's the fucking thing? You've dealt with the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail. Aliens doesn't seem that far out of the realm of possibility. This movie does an even weirder thing, but it works. And sure, it works because they stay true to a few laws of fiction, but it still builds up this really beautiful send-off to the character. I will say, however, I don't know if there's going to be another one. They don't make that clear. There's a couple of reasons for that.

This movie was directed by James Mangold, the director who shot to fame because of how he handled Logan. There's not a person on this planet I know who thinks Logan is a bad movie. They may not like it, but it's pretty hard to say it's a bad movie. So Logan sets us in the gear. It's the gear change we needed to go. Oh, R-rated superhero movies work for certain superheroes. Deadpool obviously profited off of that, or they profited off of each other, and here we are waiting for a year or so until we get a Deadpool 3 that has Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. So James Mangold does this and then he does Ford V Ferrari. Already he has established that he can work with immense talent and create convincing and enthralling films. He has a habit of making things so entertaining, you stop thinking about their perpetuity. And that's a weird thing to say, but Logan ends so well you find yourself asking, “Well, what's next? Is there a next?” It's one of those movies where you're sitting there afterwards and going, “Man, I just want it to keep going.” Indiana Jones was the same. I will say there is a little nod right before the credits start rolling that had my family and I questioning each other. What does that mean?

The other thing that adds to this is the introduction of Phoebe Waller Bridge, who plays Indiana Jones's goddaughter, Helenna Shaw, daughter of his best friend Basil. Basil was driven mad by the hunt for pieces of this Dial of Destiny, this instrument that can maybe possibly find anomalies around the world. I will stay away from detailing those anomalies because it's a pretty big spoiler. Helena’s introduction as this hard on her luck thief, goddaughter of Indiana Jones immediately gives Indie a new purpose. She's the tomb raider. She's the one going in and taking stuff and selling it on the black market. What this culminates in is a movie where you have Indie taking Helena under his wing, learning to love adventure again, saving the day again. Really, just being Indiana Jones again. Which again leads to the, “What if there's more?” question. It’s perplexing, but not in any particularly bad way. More frustrating in the way that I can’t quite tie a bow on the Indiana Jones movies and say, “Thanks, Harrison Ford, for your service. Go do a silly sitcom after this.

It's hard to tell. I don't want him to go away, but if he's tired, then let him stop. But I tell you what, if one thing stands out in this whole Indiana Jones movie, it's that Harrison Ford was having a fucking blast. So let the man have fun. Let him keep having fun. I'm down with it.

The Bad Guy is played by none other than the bad guy of Hollywood, Mads Mikkelson. He played Le Chiffre in Casino Royale. He plays Herr Voller, a Nazi archivist hunting for the Antikythera, Archimides’ orrery, the Dial of Destiny, in an effort to help Germany win the second World War. He’s the perfect, calculated, menacing actor for the role, and Herr Voller foils Indiana Jones very well.

Action movies are stupid. They're dumb. They're silly. They're goofy. And don't get me wrong, there are action movies where a lot of people die and a lot of the characters you're following die, and it feels really bad. The good guys hit their shots and the bad guys hit their shots. Those movies are also very good. There aren't very many of those, though, because people want to go and have fun. John Wick is the “inverse ninja theory” Exercised to the maximum. The inverse ninja theory, for those of you who don't know, is a media trope regarding not only Ninjahs, but any character type that is shown to attack in mass numbers such as soldiers, robots, vampires. It states that the threat level of any number of Ninjas or whatsits is inversely proportional to their numbers. Therefore, if you're attacked by a lone ninja, you're in trouble. But if you meet an army of Ninjas, they're going down. Tell me we don’t love those movies.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is a lot of fun. It's written really well. It's really well-acted. There is some very poignant scene building towards the end of the movie that feels really genuinely good. And you know what? Like I said, it's obvious Harrison Ford's having a fucking blast. If you like the old Indiana Joneses, you don't mind that they're a little bit silly. This one's silly too, and it's a blast. Go watch it. Enjoy it. Take your mom or dad that watched them with you as a kid. Parents, take your grandparents because they watched them when they were younger. It's a good time. Go watch Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. It feels like a reunion. It feels like a revival. It feels like a rejuvenation. And that's what we wanted out of this. Good job, James Mangold. Although I have to say, directing Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones might be one of the easiest jobs on the planet because the man just is the legend.

@LubWub
~Caleb

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*this written review was edited from a speech to text transcription service called HappyScribe. If you have any questions or opinions let me know!